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Dismissive/Avoidant Attachment Style

By November 19, 2020 No Comments

Dismissive/Avoidant – If this is your attachment style, you’ll tend towards being withdrawn, and highly independent. You don’t really believe other people can and will meet your needs, and therefore tend not to ask for help. You generally have a positive view of yourself, but are more negative towards others, fearing they’re untrustworthy. You likely value independence over closeness, and feel uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. You don’t like sharing your feelings – or even admitting you have feelings at all alot of the time.

Work/School – You may have difficulty making close friendships, and are content with being a lone wolf, focusing on the work itself more than social aspects – you are less likely to seek the validation of “fitting in”.

Relationships – You may have problems identifying/talking about feelings, but you do enjoy talking about more intellectual topics. If issues arise, you’re more likely to say “nothing is wrong” and bottle things up, acting emotionally distant, but potentially exploding later. You don’t feel you NEED human connection to survive or thrive, so you’re very independent and don’t like your partners to be too clingy – you feel perfectly comfortable without emotionally close relationships. You may manage rejection (or fears of rejection) by distancing yourself from that person, and can be dismissive and distant in relationships, often resulting in your partner craving more closeness (those with this attachment style often attract a partner who is anxious-preoccupied).

Times of crisis You prefer to avoid emotional situations – objective thinking helps you take charge. However, if you do find yourself in a potentially hurtful scenario, you tend to shut down emotionally, like when you find yourself in serious arguments with your partner, or potential breakup discussions.

Early life – As an infant, you showed no/minimal stress upon separation from your parents/caregivers, and would often ignore or avoid them upon return. Your parents/caregivers may have been unresponsive or dismissive, and not particularly soothing. As a parent yourself, you may be emotionally unavailable, which means your child/children are more likely to grow up with an avoidant attachment style too.

Sense of self – Those with Dismissive/Avoidant attachment style tend to withdraw and retreat during stressful situations. You often resist seeking help, relying on, or emotionally investing in others, so you may have difficulty forming close bonds with other people, particularly in relationships. At times you may be emotionally distant, and display antisocial behaviour, as well as having difficulty depending on others, or letting others depend on you.

Want to learn more about yourself, either individually, or within your relationship? Book in for a session with a Psychologist/Counsellor here!

Lana Hall

Author Lana Hall

Lana Hall is a Brisbane Psychologist at Sage & Sound in Woolloongabba. She is trained to provide proven psychological strategies and counselling that can help people effectively manage anxiety, depression, work stress, relationship problems and everything mental health. Lana is a published author and has been featured in HuffPost and Australian Women's Weekly.

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