Would you like to feel more confident? Who wouldn’t, right? We’ve got two easy exercises that can really change your confidence, that you can start using right away.
Increase confidence strategy 1: Talk to yourself in a self-supporting way.
Confident people don’t actually stuff up any less than average. It’s just that confident people are better at noticing how well they coped with a stuff up, whereas less confident people focus on the stuff up itself, and how horrible it was (which is like saying how you didn’t cope with it to yourself, and by extension, how bad it would be if it were to happen again).
This one difference in response, leads to different actions the next time. The former way of talking will bring about a more relaxed attitude to the same situation, but focusing on how bad something was leads to tension, and a focus on the negative. The result – you’re one step closer to a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more relaxed, confident attributor will find evidence that again, they coped. The more tense, focused-on-problems person will find more of them, and become more entrenched in their position to the point that they can’t deal with the situation, and start avoiding it. Which only adds more evidence that the situation can’t be coped with.
To change it – focus on how you coped, instead of the stressor itself. Coping statements, which acknowledge the challenge, but also how you survived the challenge, are great for this.
Try out some of these:
No-one can get it right all the time
It’s safe to make mistakes, I want to learn and grow
I feel uncomfortable right now, but I can cope with that
I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all I can do
Increase confidence strategy 2: Collect the evidence you’re already confident
Focusing on past success is a great way to ensure future success! Each day, write a list of situations you coped well with, and things you got right. All the little things count here.
Often, we take what we got right for granted, and focus on what we didn’t get right. That’s a big no-no if you’re trying to increase confidence. We want you to be full of evidence that you are a success, that you cope really well and get lots of things right. That’s the attitude you’ll need to keep practicing long enough to get success at a new goal.
So write down absolutely anything. Making somebody laugh, engaging in polite conversation at school pick up, remembering someone’s birthday, forgetting someone’s birthday but doing an awesome apology, bothering to exercise, making the effort to read this email all the way to the end – all stuff you could add to your list!
Nothing is too small because it’s all the same to your brain – you’re either focused on success, or you’re not. The more time your attention lands in the success bucket, the more confidence you’ll grow.
Take some time today to practice the coping statements, ready for the next time you’re in a situation where you’d normally focus on what went wrong, and get that confidence list written.
Keep reviewing both the list and your statements each day, and over time, your confidence will improve.
Self Development is one of our main passions here at Sage & Sound and our Principal Psychologist, Lana Hall has curated a program especially for those looking for an easy to follow guide for living your life with purpose and direction – Check out our : Slow Life Project Program
If you would like to learn some more strategies on gaining more confidence and other helpful tips, be sure to follow us on Instagram.
